


The Braincells Use Chess As An Excuse to Flirt and the Others Get Bullied by Some Eighth Graders.

by wow_thats_angsty



Series: The braincells bein' Cute while everything goes to shit. [7]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Bullying, Can confirm as someone who was thirteen, Chess, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Dunking on my favorite characters, Fae & Fairies, Featuring faeries taking the general piss, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Homoeroticism, I'm Sorry, Inappropriate use of chess, John Mulaney References, M/M, Roman is not okay, Sexual Tension, Soft Deceit | Janus Sanders, Soft Deceit | Janus Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Soft Logic | Logan Sanders, There's no "Soft Deceit | Janus Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders" tag and it's pissing me off, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, This Is STUPID, barely edited, but like for five seconds, no beta we die like people, they can be the worst, written by a teen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-25 13:27:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30089778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wow_thats_angsty/pseuds/wow_thats_angsty
Summary: Janus digs up an old chess set and plays with Logan. Things get rather flirtatious rather quickly.And the rest can be summarized by this one John Mulaney quote: “Thirteen-year-olds are the meanest people in the world. They terrify me to this day. If I’m on the street on like a Friday at three p.m. and I see a group of eighth-graders on one side of the street, I will cross to the other side of the street because eighth-graders will make fun of you but in an accurate way. They will get to the thing you don’t like about you. They don’t even need to look at you for long. They’ll just be like, ‘Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Hey, look at that high-waisted man. He got feminine hips.’ And I’m like, 'No, that’s the thing I’m sensitive about!'"
Relationships: Deceit | Janus Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Series: The braincells bein' Cute while everything goes to shit. [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2114832
Comments: 10
Kudos: 28





	The Braincells Use Chess As An Excuse to Flirt and the Others Get Bullied by Some Eighth Graders.

**Author's Note:**

> Tw: Bullying, the briefest mention of murder, cursing, I don’t think there’s anything else, please let me know.
> 
> This was fun to write. My friend jokingly told me to write a fic in which I make chess erotic, I told her that I could make anything erotic if I tried hard enough. And I was rewatching some old John Mulaney bits and that’s how the other half of this fic was inspired. Please note that I don’t think any of the things said by these teenagers is true, I’m just dunking on the sides in the same way I dunk on my friends (the shitty Luigi joke was inspired by a conversation that I had with another friend) Also I’m sorry the last couple has been needlessly homoerotic, my incredibly horny friend (who is also the generator of the horny events for “Janus Apparently Doesn’t Know the Meaning of Sexual Tension”) has been rubbing off on me.

The harsh lights on Logan’s computer screen flickered as he pressed lightly on the keys. His mind filled with static as he slaved away on his laptop. Within the confines of his mind, he begged and pleaded for relief. 

Knocking at his door jolted Logan out of his work-induced stupor. Smiling to himself, he opened the door to his loving boyfriend, Janus, who was holding up an ancient-looking box. 

“You’ll never guess what I found,” Said Janus, shaking the box lightly; the pieces inside made little clinking noises as they bounced around their container. 

Logan smiled; it was a fond smile that was only reserved for Janus. 

“What is it?” He asked, leaning on the doorframe, nodding to Janus. Janus beamed at him, causing Logan’s stomach to do little flip-flops; Logan was sure the butterflies he felt when around Janus would remain, no matter how long they dated. 

“An old chess set.” Said Janus, cheeky smile gracing his lips. 

Logan raised an eyebrow, “You want me to play?” 

Janus nodded, “Mhm, but I know you have work. We can play when you’re done.” 

Logan, thankful his earlier wish had been granted, shook his head, “A distraction from work his very welcome, dear.” 

Janus tucked the box under an arm while interlacing the other with Logan’s, leading both of them to the living room in which a small table sat, just big enough for a chessboard. He set the box down on the worn piece of furniture, sitting down gracefully in one of the two chairs, beckoning Logan to claim a chair for himself. Logan obliged, plopping unceremoniously onto the other chair.

“It has been an incredibly long time since I’ve played; forgive me if I’m particularly unskilled.” Said Logan, gently opening the old box and gingerly opening the folded board. 

Janus smirked, “That’s alright, just means there’s a higher chance that I’ll win.” Logan rolled his eyes affectionately, huffing slightly. 

The two placed their pieces, occasionally shooting the other a competitive glance. Once the board was complete, the game began. 

The first game went by without any interesting occurrences. Logan had won, systematically trapping Janus’s king, which made Janus seethe silently. As he stewed in the bitter taste of defeat, he remembered what side he was. 

The next round was far more interesting, seeing as Janus took to his role of being the sleaziest side a bit too well. When Logan, who was playing with white pieces, was figuring out his first move, Janus plopped himself on Logan’s lap.

“Could you please get off?” Said Logan gently, hovering over his pieces. Janus held his chin, turning it so they made direct eye contact. Logan's heart fluttered, Janus gave him a peck on the lips and promptly sat back down. Logan flushed pink; Janus had begun to believe that specific shade of pink looked far too good on Logan. 

“Are you gonna make a move?” Said Janus, Crossing his legs and leaning towards Logan. 

“Hm?” The noise came involuntarily from the back of Logan’s throat.

“On the chessboard, love.” 

Logan cleared his throat, nodding quickly. He didn’t remember what he moved because Janus had winked at him. 

_____

“-And that’s why bird porn would do so well,” Remus concluded, ending his incredibly long-winded speech that we do not have time for. 

Patton shivered, Roman made a noise of disgust, and Virgil bit into a pizza slice that he inexplicably had. 

“How many slices of pizza do you carry in your pockets at any given time?” Asked Roman. Virgil shrugged, “You don’t wanna know.” 

Patton tugged on Virgil’s hoodie sleeve, garnering his attention, “Hey, Virge, we should cross the street.” Virgil looked to where Patton was pointing and nodded. Roman raised an eyebrow, stepping in front of all of them. 

“Why, they’re just kids?”

Patton shifted, turning to Virgil for an answer. The latter rolled his eyes, “What is it with you and questions you don’t want the answers to?” 

Roman frowned, crossing his arms; he looked like an upset toddler. 

“Hey, look at that one in red!” Yelled a voice. 

Virgil took another bite from his slice of pizza. 

“You’re about to get an answer to your question.” Said Virgil through a mouthful of food. 

Roman turned to the voice; it was a teenager and their friend group standing around their bikes. 

“Do you think he’s compensating for something in that outfit?” Snickered the teen; the rest of their friends laughed.

Another person spoke up; their voice was high and nasally, “Yeah, probably a lack of confidence. He probably acts like he has a big head but is deeply insecure about himself.”

Yet another teen chuckled, “Oh yeah, in something like that, most definitely. He probably thinks he’s the king of the world while being overly critical of himself and everything he creates.”

Roman made _Offended Princey Noises™_ , and Patton patted his back and tried to escort him out of there. Remus was laughing his ass off, as was Virgil. 

“Damn, they really pegged you, Princey.” Wheezed Virgil, holding his knees as he tried to steady himself. 

“Oh my god, Ro, they were spot on.” Said Remus, circling overhead, almost as if he were gloating. 

Roman sniffled, leaning more into Patton’s embrace, who himself was trying not to agree with them.

“Look at that loser in green!” Yelled one of them. Remus perked up.

“He likes to pretend he’s special and interesting but is, in fact, boring.” Remus went red, anger boiling in the pit of his stomach, holding his morningstar up menacingly; he seemed to have forgotten that most teenagers have no will to live.

“Oh, I’m _so_ scared by the guy who can’t be bothered to shave that hideous rat on his face! It doesn’t even fit his aesthetic; it makes him look like a shitty Luigi!” 

Virgil was rolling on the ground, pizza long forgotten. 

“Shitty Luigi!” He repeated. Remus glared at him. “Shut up,” He snapped.

_____

Janus sat far too self-satisfied as he managed to fluster his boyfriend continuously. Logan sat pondering his next move, trying to avoid the feeling of his throat closing up; Janus’s face was incredibly close to his, staring hungrily into his eyes. Janus fondled his tie, fiddling with his collar.

“I’m trying to focus.” Said Logan, leaning more into Janus’s touch, so far that he’d conceivably fall into the board chest-first. 

“Do you want me to stop?” 

“...”

“...”

“No.”

Janus smiled lazily, running his fingers through Logan’s hair. Logan hummed, enjoying the contact but not the fact that he was losing. 

Cautiously, he picked up a knight; it got immediately eaten. 

He couldn’t even find it in himself to be mad; the feeling of Janus being so loving with him was too pleasant. 

Janus cradled Logan’s face, looking at him tenderly, pulling him in; his lips tasted like mango; he recognized that it was probably the chapstick he was currently wearing. Logan whined, absolute putty in his hands. That’s when Janus leaned in close and whispered in Logan’s ear, 

“Checkmate.” 

Logan tore himself out of Janus’s grasp, looking down at the board. Sure enough: checkmate. 

Janus chuckled, squishing Logan’s face in his hands, “I love you, but it had to be done.” Logan frowned, “You’re so mean.” 

Janus tilted Logan’s chin up, “Aw, you look so cute when you pout.” Logan turned pink, he’d never get used to Janus calling him cute, though he enjoyed it thoroughly. 

“No I don’t.” Blurted Logan. 

“Lies.” 

Logan crossed his arms, “Another round?” 

Janus shrugged, “Only if you’re up for it.”

_____

Virgil continued on the ground, tears falling from his eyes, his stomach hurt from laughing so hard.

“Remus no! We don’t condone child murder!” Shouted Patton, desperately trying to hold Remus back. Remus just kept trying to claw his way to the teens, thirsting for blood. 

“Maybe _you_ don’t!” Screamed Remus, still trying to claw his way to the rowdy group of teens.

“Hey, what about that dude in the blue?” Commented one, sipping from their Slurpee. 

Patton tried to ignore them. 

“Probably makes shitty dad jokes; he likes to think he’s funny.”

Patton sniffled, Virgil immediately stopped laughing. 

“Hey, you take that back, fuckers!” Yelled Virgil, getting up from his spot on the ground. 

The teens ignored him. 

“Hey, take that shit back, you _motherfuckers._ ” Shouted Virgil.

He managed to catch the attention of one of the kids, who just smirked at him, loudly announcing, “Hey, look at that emo kid.” The rest whipped their eyes to him. Virgil suddenly felt far more uncomfortable. 

“I bet he doesn’t even look in the mirror to apply that eyeshadow!” Shouted one of them. The rest hollered and hooted. Virgil huffed. 

“I can’t imagine being a grown-ass man and getting hurt by what a bunch of eighth-graders say.” 

Virgil shook his head, helping to try to calm down Remus. 

Roman whimpered, tugging on Virgil’s sleeve, “How do they know these things about us?” Virgil shook his head, “Never question anything Patton and I say again.”

“I mean, seriously, what’s so difficult about letting things roll off your back?” Snickered one. They then turned to another, “Ally, you're probably the dumbest out of all of us, I’m unsure if there’s actually any brain cells in that noggin of yours.” 

Ally chuckled, “There isn’t.” 

“See?” They gestured to emphasize their point. The rest murmured in agreement. 

“They’re all a bunch of asswipes anyway.” Said Virgil, trying to comfort Roman. 

“Hey, you there, in the purple!” Virgil turned to the group of teens. 

“What’s your name?”A Cheshire grin split across their face. 

“I wouldn’t tell them that.” Said an adult. They were carrying a multitude of shopping bags, branded with the logo of the store they’d just walked out of. All of the children paled upon their arrival.

_____

Logan sighed to himself as they reset the board. If he wanted to win, he was going to have to stoop to Janus’s level. 

Once the board was completely reset, Logan started fiddling with his tie. Janus seemed to take notice but made no complaint. When Logan started removing his tie, Janus caught on.

“I wasn’t expecting this from you, Lo-”

“Expecting what? It’s just hot in here.” 

Janus raised an eyebrow as the tie slipped from his neck. As Logan started unbuttoning his polo shirt, Janus’s eyes went wide, “Oh, so this is how it’s gonna be.” 

Logan stared at him, Janus stared back. 

“Are you gonna make a move?” Logan asked. 

Janus made a small gasp, “Excuse me, what?”

Logan motioned to the board, “On the chessboard, love.” 

Janus chuckled, a taste of his own medicine.

Janus stared down at the board, brows furrowing. He moved the rook in a surprisingly good move that Logan had overlooked. 

“You know, it is fairly hot in here.” Said Janus, obviously lying; they both knew it was freezing in the room. He removed his gloves and capulet, rolling up the sleeves on his shirt. 

“You know what, why don’t I just take this silly thing off?” Janus gestured to his shirt. Logan watched with a vested interest as Janus unbuttoned his shirt, eventually removing it entirely. He was wearing a thin black tank top underneath. 

“That’s better.” Said Janus, absolutely reveling in how Logan was looking at him. Janus grinned slyly, “Your move.” 

Logan gulped, looking down at the chessboard. Absentmindedly, he started fiddling with his collar. Janus’s breath hitched, Logan looked up, snatching Janus’s sly grin from him. Slowly, he started caressing his neck, grazing his thumb over his collarbones, anything to get his dearest riled up. “Oh, sweet Jesus.” Muttered Janus, twiddling his thumbs while Logan pondered his move. 

Logan was sure neither of them was paying all that much attention to the chessboard, so he just moved a random piece. Janus didn’t seem to notice or care all that much, as he moved another random piece. 

Janus stood up from his seat, Logan raised an eyebrow. 

“You know, Logan, I simply cannot understand how you manage to sit in the same position all day. My back is aching…” He said in that silky voice. He stretched upward delicately, the hem of his tank top coming with him, revealing a large portion of his stomach. Logan could only stare, wishing to reach out and pull Janus in, but that’s what Janus wanted. 

Janus gracefully sat back down, staring him down with a challenging look. Logan thought for a moment. Finally, he moved some random piece. 

“I feel fairly dehydrated.” Said Logan, summoning a water bottle. He took a sip, “accidentally” spilling most of the contents of the bottle onto himself. 

“Clumsy me…” Said Logan, with such snark that Janus would’ve taken offense if it weren’t Logan and if it weren’t incredibly hot. 

“Could you get me a towel, and could I borrow one of your shirts?” Said Logan offhandedly as he removed his soaked polo shirt. Janus nodded dumbly as he stared at Logan; the water had managed to soak through the shirt, providing Janus with the wonderful view of a sopping wet, shirtless Logan. 

Janus quickly ran to grab a shirt and a towel, scurrying back just as quickly. Logan smiled at him, “Could you be a dear and dry me up?” Janus usually hated being bossed around, but it was Logan and it was an excuse to touch him. 

Janus took sweet vengeance of his own when he straddled Logan while drying him off. 

“The best way to do it.” Said Janus, winking at Logan. Logan held Janus’s hips there, watching as Janus deftly dried him off. 

“Do you just wanna call the game here?” 

Janus nodded, pulling Logan in for a kiss. 

_____

“I’m sorry, what?” Asked Roman, looking to the adult. 

“Nooo, we were just having fun!” One child whined. 

The adult sighed, “Harassing random strangers on the street doesn’t seem that fun to me.” 

“Yeah, because you’re boring.” Another muttered. 

“What was that?” the adult quipped, turning to the rest of the kids. They all shuffled their feet, “Sorry.” they all murmured, one by one. 

“Why would giving them my name be bad?” Asked Virgil, trying to shake Roman off of him. 

The adult sighed, “These are faerie children.” 

The four simultaneously laughed to themselves, nervously. At least it would make a good story.

“Good thing you stopped him, right?” Said Roman. The adult nodded, shooing the kids towards their car. 

Patton turned to the other three, “Do you guys just wanna go home?” 

They all nodded in unison, already turning around, each taking steps towards the Mindscape.

When the four of them got home, they found an abandoned chess set sitting in the living room and water spilled on the floor; the other two nowhere in sight. 

“You think they’d know how to clean up after themselves.” Scoffed Roman, picking up an abandoned towel and cleaning up the rest of the water.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m gonna be reuploading the first few in this series to be on the lookout for that. Not much will change, I’m just trying to fix them up a little better.


End file.
